Date: December 2, 2014 Author: Len Corcoran
BLESSED ARE THE MEEK, FOR THEY SHALL INHERIT THE LAND Part 4
“When asking a favor of some person of Importance would anyone be so ill-mannered and thoughtless as not first to consider how best to address him in order to make a good impression and give him no cause for offense?”
– St. Teresa of Avila
Those who are meek never present themselves as being right and the other person being wrong. This initiation of a position dispels defensiveness in the other person. Essential! Eliminate “judgment” by saying “I” think, feel, suggest, in my opinion, etc. Unstated or not, the invitation is for them to say what they think, feel, suggest options, give an opinion, etc.
“Never let evil talk pass your lips; say only the good things people need to hear, things that will really help them. Do nothing that will sadden the Holy Spirit with whom you were sealed against the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, all passion and anger, harsh words, slander, and malice of every kind. In place of these, be kind to one another, compassionate, and mutually forgiving, just as God has forgiven you in Christ.”
Date: November 25, 2014 Author: Len Corcoran
BLESSED ARE THE MEEK, FOR THEY SHALL INHERIT THE LAND Part 3
“Love is neither servile nor arrogant. It does not provoke schisms or form cliques, but always acts in harmony with others.”
-St. Clement I, in his letter to the Corinthians
If you have a problem with another person, use this pattern:
Objectively state the behavior, how you feel about it, and why you feel that way – your perception. As an example, let’s say that the other person is late for a meeting with you. You might say: “When we agree to meet at a certain time, and you arrive late, I’m upset because I feel you don’t value the relationship as much as I do. There are then three possible outcomes:
1) The other person complies with an apology,
2) Has a reasonable explanation and you initiate a collaboration with options, or
3) You state the consequences of that behavior in the future.
In any of the three confirm what was said – or report on their emotion if they get angry. Note that your have made the issue one that is about you. Examples of the three outcomes might be:
a. Compliance: “So, you’re saying (confirm) that you will make every effort to be on time in the future? I appreciate it.” Actually, in my experience, this is the outcome about 80% of the time.
b. Collaboration: “So you’re saying that at this time of day, the traffic is uncertain? I can understand that. What options can you think of that would help both of us feel good about meeting?” Brainstorm as many options as you both can think of. Then both of you put the options in priority order and select the one that can resolve the issue.
c. Consequences: “So you’re saying that I should be more flexible? I don’t see that as an option and if we cannot reach a more agreeable option, it will affect our relationship.” If they show anger over you bringing it up, use reflective listening – “I see you’re upset and I can appreciate that. What is it about my statement that bothers you?”
Date: November 19, 2014 Author: Len Corcoran
BLESSED ARE THE MEEK, FOR THEY SHALL INHERIT THE LAND (Matthew 5:5) Part 2
TO BE MEEK IS TO TRANSFORM
“The Lord gives the Word to the bearers of good tidings…”
The third Beatitude promises that when you are meek, you will inherit the land. Jesus says that He is meek and humble. He transforms the world. What is it we do not understand? To start, we have failed to translate the word meek accurately. One of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, “self-control,” gives a better understanding. When we have self-control, we eliminate reacting – which gives the other person control. The second Beatitude gives us the skill of not taking in what others throw at us; i.e., we go into neutral and report, rather than react. Now, we learn how to “assert” ourselves without creating emotional reactions in others. We transform them from passive to assertive; or from aggressive to assertive. In both situations, we gain the power to JUST communicate on the LEVEL! And with it, the power to transform and create “win-win” transactions; i.e. love your neighbor as yourself.nov 19 post
Date: November 17, 2014 Author: Len Corcoran
BLESSED ARE THE MEEK, FOR THEY SHALL INHERIT THE LAND (Matthew 5:5) Part 1
Jesus said He was “meek”. Contemporary meaning would suggest “passive” or “weak”. Any examination of Scripture will certainly not find passive nor weak behavior in Jesus. He is very much assertive. He consistently refers to doing the work of the third party – the Father.
Actually, the word from which meek is translated means “power under control”. So this Beatitude means the person with his own power under his control will inherit the land.
“The man who is filled with the Holy Spirit speaks in different languages. These different languages are different ways of witnessing to Christ, such as humility, poverty, patience and obedience; we speak in those languages when we reveal in ourselves these virtues to others. Actions speak louder than words; let your words teach and your actions speak.” – St. Anthony of Padua
The action verb for the third Beatitude is Assert. Most current material on assertiveness comes from conflicts with authority during the 1960’s and 1970’s . In the beginning, it was a reaction to the Drama Triangle – aggressive, passive, and rescuer – results of “up to down” and “down to up” communication patterns. Assertiveness begins with taking responsibility for the reception of a message in order to reach a “win-win” outcome. In effect, the assertive person seeks to understand before being understood.
Author: Len Corcoran
BLESSED ARE THEY WHO MOURN, FOR THEY WILL BE COMFORTED (Matthew 5:4) Part 2
Blessed are they who mourn…not only brings comfort by grieving what they do to themselves, but also it provides almost a miraculous way of avoiding the main woes we suffer. Obviously, if we do not take in “their stuff” then we have nothing to forgive. But even more significantly, we do not create and store hatreds and resentments! Read that over and over. Just imagine what your life will be like without the feelings of resentment stored – and released whenever you encounter that person. Just think of how relationships can be changed into ones of love.
At first glance, the second Beatitude does not make sense. How can we mourn and be comforted in the “NOW”? The Beatitude suggests that the person with a Concern for Christ can transform the mind from a “belief-feeling-reaction” to an activity of the rational mind – and grieve what the other person is doing to themselves. When we are angry with someone else, we are putting anger into our systems. How long do we stay angry? I know many who have made it a life-long misery. We need to grieve such people. Let’s examine the process involved.
Even prior to birth, a child is learning the fundamentals of communication. This learning continues through the first five years and include:
1. Memory data stored
2. Decision on their relationships to others
3. Appropriate behavior
MEMORY (Ego States)
Prior to birth, the child starts storing emotions in the context of the environment. A child of an alcoholic may start storing “anxiety” as early as six months in the womb. Eric Berne, founder of Transactional Analysis, provided a useable model for the emotions stored:
Date: October 31, 2014 Author: Len Corcoran
BLESSED ARE THEY WHO MOURN, FOR THEY WILL BE COMFORTED (Matthew 5:4) Part 3
DEALING WITH RAGE
As one of my Knights of Columbus meetings in Athens, Georgia, I gave a talk on “turning the other cheek”. After the meeting, a member came up to me and related his experience of working for a rage-a-holic supervisor. As soon as he saw her coming , he would swallow and dig in. He asked me what he should do. I shared this Beatitude with him – but only a brief explanation.
A week later, at a project we were working on, he came running over to me and said, “You won’t believe what happened. I saw her coming at me, so I did what you said. I relaxed, smiled, and analyzed her emotion. She came up to me. Stopped – and quivered! Then, she turned and left.”
Another week later, we were together again – and he eagerly sought me out. “I just can’t believe what’s happening. “ he said. “The other day, she came up to me and screamed an assignment at me.” I said, “Ok.” She said, “Aren’t you going to argue with me?” I said, “No, you’re the boss – but I do have a suggestion, if you want to hear it.” She said, “Ok, what is it?” I told her and she said, “I like it. Let’s do it.”
The next time I saw him, she had signed him up for leadership training. The base was closing in a few years, so she began to get him interviews at other bases – finally getting him an interview and a job at the top location, with a significant increase in pay.
Jesus’ way works!